A Funny Thing Happened In London
by The Purple Hued Highland Moon
Summary: In which Darcy's been keeping secrets and is snarky, the UK brothers are mad, Alfred is a supportive boyfriend, Loki knows everything, and the Avengers are confused.


Author's Note of Awesome: Look readers of mine! I updated! *Hides from rabid Speed Racer fans* But not what you all seem to want me to actually update. Oops. I know, I know. It's been several years. And you all probably thought I died. But I didn't! Uh, lesse...happy, nice, constructive reviews all get virtual cake from me. Flames will be used to make chocolate eclairs.

Disclaimer: Does. Not. Own. (Yet.)

General Story Note: Set after the Winter Soldier. Aforementioned Soldier will appear at some point. I will try to avoid spoilers for the select few that haven't seen the movie yet, but when I have to put spoilers in, at the top of the chapter, there will be a warning.

Chapter One

_In Which Darcy has an Argument, and England Sees a Familiar Face_

Darcy Lewis was, for all intents and purposes, a rather pretty young woman with a fiery temper to boot. She was best friends with one Phil Coulson, and Clint Barton, and tended to cause trouble with Loki. It was a rare occasion for her to ever be caught off guard, or for her to ever really lose it. But Tony Stark was really trying her patience.

"Y'know, Lewis, I think you're just trying to show off." Tony's calm voice went through her head, and Darcy heard Steve do a facepalm behind her.

"I'm not trying to show off," she replied hotly, shooting him a glare. "I'm just saying that if you were trying to impress her, you failed epically." She frowned as they walked past Big Ben.

He snorted. "What would you know about meeting royalty anyway?" Loki looked toward Darcy, curious about his friend's answer.

"Quite a bit," she muttered, distracted already. "Not that you'd believe me, but I've met Her Majesty before."

Clint choked on his coffee. "When was this?" He managed to splutter out as Phil pounded him on the back.

"Back before I met any of you," Darcy said, turning around and walking backwards. She gave them a grin, before running into a blonde man with deep emerald eyes.

"Bloody hell, watch it, will you?" He practically snarled out before taking a step backwards as he caught a glimpse of Darcy's face. "What?"

Darcy frowned. "I'm sorry sir. Wasn't lookin' where I was going I'm 'fraid." She studied him. "Is something wrong?"

He continued to stare at her. "No. No." He shook his head. "Sorry, you just looked like someone I know, that's all." He sighed. "But they've been missing a long time. It's too much to hope." He gave her a sad smile. "Sorry."

She smiled back. "Naw, it's totally my fault," she announced to him before turning away. Pausing for a moment, she turned back to him. "I hope you find her!" And then she was gone, off with her friends in tow to explore London.

England sighed. "So do I, lass. So do I." And he was off, heading to Buckingham Palace. Darcy was still in his mind when he reached the gates to find America waiting for him.

"Hey dude!" The younger man shouted, grinning at his former caretaker turned lover. He frowned at England's pensive look though. "Somethin' wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." His arms snaked around England.

To his credit, England only sighed. "It's nothing." America raised an eyebrow behind him, and England sighed. "It's just...well, I thought I saw _her_."

America's eyebrow rose even higher at his statement. "I thought she went missing?" He questioned his lover with a frown. "That she abandoned ya'll?" He thought for a minute. "I thought you didn't even like her!"

England shook his head. "It's not that, it's just...we never expected her to go missing!" He fumed. "That was never supposed to happen!" He groaned. "But now I'm getting all worked up about this lady who looks like her."

America sighed, and rubbed circles into England's back. "Hey. It'll be alright. She'll show up eventually," he told him. All England could do was nod.

* * *

Darcy was quite all the way back to the hotel, and nothing Loki, Clint, or Phil said could bring her out of it. Tony even went into her shared room with Natasha to apologize to her, but she still looked upset after shooing him away. So when Natasha sat down to talk to the other woman, she wasn't expecting much. So the assassin was mildly surprised when Darcy gave her a watery smile.

"Hi." The dark haired woman said softly, surprising Natasha, who sat down on the bed beside her.

"Hello." The assassin frowned. "What's wrong?"

Darcy chuckled sadly. "They must be desperate if they're sending you to try and make me feel better."

"They're not," Natasha told her softly. "But something's wrong with you."

She sighed. "I saw someone I knew earlier," she told the assassin who had become her friend. The other woman only raised an eyebrow, and Darcy sighed again. "It's just...he doesn't know that it's _me_," she finally burst out. "I love him, but he doesn't _know_."

Natasha eyed her silently for a moment. "Was this the blonde man with the eyebrows?" Her crying friend nodded sadly. "Why don't we go re-introduce the two of you, then?" She got up.

"NO!" Darcy's cry made Natasha stop. "No," she whispered. "That's the problem, Nat. He _can't_know."

Natasha crossed her arms. "And why not?"

Darcy groaned. "Oh, God Nat. I left him behind for a reason. Left all of them behind for a reason." She sniffed. "Besides, he hates me anyway."

At her words, the redhead sat back down on the bed. "Why does he hate you?"

Darcy sighed. "I knew him, when he was little. He's younger than me," she explained. "And for awhile, I took care of him. He never knew his father, and one day his mother just up and vanished. I took him in, he and his brothers, and helped them keep going." She sighed. "It doesn't matter now. His older brother, Alistair, he took all of them away when he was old enough. None of them are fond of me, particularly the youngest, Seamus."

Natasha frowned. "So you won't go back to try and get back onto good terms, and you lied to him as well?"

"Overheard that, did you?" The young brunette ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. I lied to him. And I won't go back."

The Russian's frown deepened. "Why did you leave?"

Darcy shook her head. "Not gonna say. Sorry Nat."

"It's fine."

There was a sudden knock on the door. "Darcy, Natasha?" Steve's voice rang through the door. "If you two are hungry, we're going to get dinner."

Natasha looked at Darcy, who nodded once. "We're comin' Cap," she said, as she opened the door.

Steve looked from Natasha to Darcy. "Everything's alright?"

Darcy bit her lip, considered telling the man the truth. That she had lied to the blonde from earlier, that she was his caretaker. But she stopped. Natasha was one thing. Steve was another. "Where're we going for food?"

Steve shrugged. "Some pub, apparently. Tony saw it earlier."

The brunette nodded distractedly. "Right. Pub. Tony. Gotcha."

Steve and Natasha shared a look, but didn't comment. Instead, the simply led the way down to the lobby where the others were waiting. "Darcy!" Tony grinned. "Feeling better I hope?"

She shot him a grin. "Much. In fact, I'm feeling good enough to drink you under the table!"

Loki groaned from beside Clint. "Darcy, you know what'll happen..."

She waved him off. "Naw, I'll be fine!" She shot him a shit-eating grin. "When am I not?"

Loki muttered something under his breath that Darcy clearly heard, but choose to ignore instead. Clint rolled his eyes. "C'mon. What're we waiting for?"

Darcy laughed, and shoved Tony out the door. "Lead on, Stark!" So Tony lead the way down the street into a pub that Darcy recognized all too well.

"Hey, it's that Blonde from earlier," Clint muttered, and Natasha shot Darcy a look. In return, Natasha received a glare that would have put her six feet under, if that was possible.

"He's with some other guys," Tony pointed out. "Wonder what they're talking about."

"We could listen," Loki pointed out.

Darcy groaned. "Guys, really, that's rude..." But it was too late. Loki had cast a spell, and from their booth, they could hear everything.

"I swear, I saw her," the blonde was saying. "She was there, wandering around London with that group of your heros." His accusation was directed to a different blonde whose cowlick was defying gravity completely.

The redhead rolled his eyes. "C'mon Arthur. She's been missin' for ages now. It can' have been her."

"But it was," Arthur insisted. "I swear!"

The blonde with the cowlick nodded. "We looked it up on CCTV. Chick looked exactly like her."

Arthur shook his head. "Alfred never even met her, but even he could tell, over a grainy video no less!"

The finale blonde sighed. "They might actually have stumbled across her."

The brunette man sighed. "Why do we even care? She left us, Dylan, remember that? Just up and left. Abandoned us."

By now, the whole team was staring at Darcy. She simply pursed her lips and continued to listen. Arthur sighed. "To be fair Seamus, we didn't exactly do anything to make her stay. We acted as though we hated her."

"That's what siblings do," Seamus snapped back. "She's our older sister! She should never have left!"

Tony couldn't hold it in anymore. "You're their sister?!" He yelped this out, and the entire pub fell silent and stared at him. Slowly, Alistair, Arthur, Dylan, and Seamus all stood up and faced them.

Darcy groaned, and slammed her head on the table. Natasha, Steve, and Clint all tried to comfort her as Loki cancelled the spell, and Tony eyed the four men warily.

"So," Arthur began. "Just how long were you listening to our conversation?"

Tony whimpered. "Uh...all of it?"

Alistair cracked his knuckles. "Wrong answer, laddie."

They approached Tony, looking absolutely murderous, but stopped when Darcy spoke up. "Guys, stop it. He didn't mean any harm." She raised her head up off the table, and glared at them. "And so help me, if you hurt _any_ of them, I will kill you myself, and then vanish again. Somewhere you'll never find me." The glare increased. "But just tell me one thing. What you said, just a minute ago. About not hating me." She took a deep breath. "Was any of that true?"


End file.
